Remembering Alan Rickman

I never wanted to write this.

I thought that if Alan Rickman ever passed (as he was immortal in my eyes), it would be when I had children of my own. They would be confused as I slowly turned despondent while reading the news of the day on some hologram (it would be so far into the future), and then again when I started crying during that year's Oscars In Memoriam. I couldn't imagine he would leave us so soon.

Today at work, when one of the girls suddenly gasped and said "Snape died," I quite possibly screamed in horror. As she told the story of a former co-worker texting her the news, I was certain it was false. I grabbed my phone to see the news for myself, but once glance told me everything I needed to know - before unlocking my screen, I saw dozens of texts, Facebook chats, calls - all from different groups of friends, and all before 9 in the morning - it had to be true.

As I scrolled through Facebook, I saw countless tributes to Professor Snape, which honestly kept me from crying--now, I love Harry Potter arguably more than the next person, but Alan Rickman was so much more than one character.

I first declared my love for Alan Rickman at the age of 3. My sister, Lauren and I watched Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves more than any Disney movie. She not-so-secretly harbored a love for Kevin Costner, and not wanting to like the same guy, in fact, choosing to like the opposite, I was smitten with the Sheriff of Nottingham, as played by Alan Rickman, of course. Years later, we would joke that I had the better taste. We both grew up loving him.

How easy it was to love him in Sense and Sensibility! To so many he is Professor Snape, but to me, he will forever be Colonel Brandon, lost in his endless devotion to Marianne Dashwood. Colonel Brandon, who fell in love during a song.
Colonel Brandon, who showed his obvious affection, but waited out of respect for Marianne's wishes. Colonel Brandon, who carried her through the rain, who only hours later rode through the storm and night to bring her mother to see her ailing child. Alan Rickman's Colonel Brandon, who truly ruined all men for me.

To others, his role as Professor Snape made them love him. To me, I loved Professor Snape, because of him. A huge Potter-head, I read books 1-4 countless times, never once liking Snape. Once the movies came out, it was impossible to hate him. Alan Rickman played him in such a way, you just had to know there was good in him somewhere. Only after that first movie did I start looking into the character more. Words and phrases and subtext can only go so far; Alan Rickman brought JK Rowling's Snape to life.

He acted from the heart and shared his craft with all of us privileged to exist on earth at the same time. So many characters he brought to life. He was always more than just lines or stage directions.


But aside from his wonderful acting, Alan Rickman was a good guy. There were reports of him bringing children of friends to the set of the Harry Potter movies, reports of how he treated his fans and friends alike. I was lucky enough to be an example of this when my sister wrote to him, telling him how I'd loved him since I was three. He mailed me a personalized Playbill of the play, Seminar, which he was staring in. When I posted the story on the blog, an Alan Rickman message board picked up the story and gushed over his kindness. He was a man everyone loved.

I won't be with my children when they play the In Memoriam segment at the Oscars featuring my favorite person, my first crush, the arguable love of my life. But I can guarantee that when I show them his movies, when I tell them the stories, and when I tell them just how much I love him, they'll ask "After all this time?" and I'll respond, knowingly, faithfully, "Always."