I know body dysmorphia is a thing, but is age dysmorphia? Honestly, if you told me I was 50 and I was at this point in my life I would fully believe you. It's not that I think my life is fulfilled, nor that I think I'm satisfied where I am right now, just that I feel that old. I've just about reconciled myself to the picture of what my future is looking like, and while not what I had planned, it's not awful. I can see myself clinging tight to family, enjoying nights in watching Netflix or ordering in, becoming an aunt to my friend's children and spoiling them rotten. This is the life that looks to be my future, and while I don't hate it, it's not what I wanted.
But I'm in luck, because this year is going to be different. See, 33 is somewhat of a lucky number in my family. It was my grandfather's lucky roulette number, as well as my mother's. Since both my grandparents' passing I've seen this number as a source of comfort when it pops up. There's something special about 33, and for me it's become the new 21. In fact, the same month I turn 33 is the month Walt Disney World turns 50. I'm just looking ahead for next year, when I turn 33 because I am certain, nay, I am determined to make that just about the best year of my life.
So what does that have to do with my birthday today? 32. It's a countdown. Try as I might, wishing on stars just doesn't do it, and if I want 33 to be this magical year, there's some work I need to put into this coming year. I'll spare you the diatribes of dieting/exercising/etc. This isn't meant to be a new year, new me. This is meant to be a start. Because the year I turn 33, and the 12 months following, there are some realistic dreams I have control over that I would like to make come true.
1 - Be settled. I don't know where, but my hope is that wherever I am October 2021 becomes home. I would like that to be Orlando, but with the current job market in my industry, I do not know if it's reasonable to keep waiting to be home.
2 - Be organized. Have a routine. Be neat. My best days off are the ones spent enjoying the breeze because I don't have to make sure my chores are done. I eat healthier when I have meals planned for the week. I sleep more soundly when I'm not putting something off until the next day.
3 - Be happy, or rather, stay happy. I put up a pretty good front of being an optimist, but so much of that is just convincing myself that everything will be ok. So I commit to enjoying the small things that make life fun, and I refuse to give up even the most childish things (I'm looking at you Tangled) because you don't let go of that which makes you happy.
If I can get to a place by October 6, 2021 where I have all three of these tenets down, I know I'll be in a good spot to have the best year ever. And really, who knows what I might find along the way.
And, to be honest, if you want to make God laugh, make plans, so really, who knows what life will bring? But I am thankful to have another year, and I am thankful that 33 is still on the horizon.
