Stitch was Lost, Now I Am

I'm so afraid of the future--I'm excited for it, but still afraid. I feel like any time I make some sort of gain in my life I then move 2 steps backward.

I can go out and have a good time, but I lament two things: 1) I just don't feel like me at these parties and 2) The people who make them most fun are leaving me in January.

Sometimes I look at my life and look at my choices and have to wonder what the hell I'm thinking. So then I ask people what they think, and they all tell me a million different things. The truth is, only I know what's best for me, even if it doesn't seem like it to everyone else. I have friends who make similar mistakes, but it's their choice to make them, their lesson to learn.

Sometimes it's just time to let go of control. Let go and let God. It's a power struggle at first, but eventually it's ok. He knows what's best after all.

My manager warned us not to get sick the week before Christmas... and I woke up this morning with a knife in my throat. I'm starting to cough a lot again and I just don't feel up to being at work, but I have to otherwise I'll have nothing in January.

I'm so lost right now. Prayers appreciated <3