I apologize to the many of you who follow me for Disney-ness. This is not, so much, a Disney related post. In a few days, when I have enough time to sit down and really think about the past month, I'll give a nice long update about the happenings at Disney. Indeed, there are quite a few great stories that I cannot wait to share.
Today's blog, however, is more of a personal one. I've been feeling down, as you could tell from my previous posts. The big question now is "What next?". This question, sadly, relates to all aspects of my life. What next? Do I stay with Disney and work from within or do I try to find a different job? What next? Will I ever settle down with anyone? What next? Is Orlando really the place for me? What next? What will I do when so many friends leave at the end of the year? Indeed, what next? The possibilities have kept me up countless nights.
This is completely off-topic, but as this is my blog, I get to make the rules. I've been thinking a lot recently about an event that happened last January, an event I know has helped me grow up and know the person I strive to become. It was the middle of January... we had only had one Chapter meeting for my coed community service fraternity, Alpha Phi Omega, and I hadn't yet gotten a chance to talk with everyone after Christmas vacation. It was MLK day and we were going to have our second Chapter later in the day. I had a missed call from my grandlittle, so I called her back. That's when I heard:
"Rory, Shayna's dead."
The idea didn't compute in my brain. Shayna was in my family in the fraternity. We pledged the same semester. She was just then starting to become a good friend, she even had me for Secret Santa that year. No, indeed, the idea was completely implausible. But as head of our family, it was my duty to call everyone and let them know the awful truth. And with each call it became more and more real. And more and more painful.
That night, that week went by in a blur. Her funeral was at the end of the week, and my little and I drove down to Tampa for it. It was there that Shayna truly made an impression on me. Listening to her family talk about her life, about what decisions she made, about how she chose to treat others, about the kind of person she was... it hit me hard. That night I wrote my first letter. The idea of writing letters was always important to me. Growing up with Jane Austen stories in place of lullabies stressed the importance and significance of a well-written letter. I wrote a letter to Shayna. I told her how sorry I was that I never got to know her better. I promised her that I was going to take up her cause, that I would strive to live to forgive everyone, even those who hurt me and to never judge anyone, because who are we to judge someone who's shoes we've never walked in? I told her I missed her.
I wrote her a letter twice a month for the rest of the semester. I left them on my window-sill, because I thought she'd have a better chance of seeing them from heaven. Eventually, as graduation neared, as schedules got busy, I stopped writing them. But she always shows up on the side of my facebook. She's always there, somehow to remind me of what I need to do to be happy. That if I follow her example, if I hold no grudges and strive to understand instead of judge, that happiness would follow.
And here I am in the happiest place in the world. I've been thinking a lot about Shayna recently. I know she's happy, wherever she is. I know she'd also probably tell me, if asked, that eventually good things will happen, and until then just smile and help others. We'd probably then start discussing the latest episode of Grey's Anatomy, or talk about how awesome the last Harry Potter movie was.
If you're still reading this, thanks for letting me take you through my mind tonight. I know it's not about Disney, but it does give you a little backstory into why I think the way I do, and why I act the way I do. I promise, soon I'll update you on all the happenings in life. Until then, peace love and Mickey <3
